Dear I...
What is my true north?
Dear I,
I’m lost amidst choices, suffocating. One path is safe but unfulfilling and doesn’t offer me the growth I need, the other is unknown and I know it’ll be risky but I want to start taking my first steps.
Loved ones have their visions of success for me and I have a tendency to people please so much that it’s hard to know where what they want ends and what I want begins. Though also, sometimes their faith can be the catalyst I need to cement my commitment.
Where’s my true North? How do I silence the noise, listen to my own voice, find the faith in myself and choose what truly aligns with my desires? How can I be sure of the path, or at least its first steps?
Please help me find my way.
Magnetic North
Dear Magnetic North,
I wish I could give you a 'do this not that' answer about which path to choose or what your True North is, but it would be foolish for me to do so without knowing the specifics of your situation. I'll say this though: none of these cards are about sticking relentlessly at something OR about taking a leap into the risky unknown.
Look at the poor overwhelmed, figure in the 7 of Cups, considering all their options. They are shrouded in darkness, face turned away from us, frozen before the tempting cacophony of options that emerge out of the mist. How many of these are legitimate options and how many of these are fantasies they escape into whenever they feel overwhelmed and scared? Their shadowy-ness and their back to us suggest that there is vital information about themselves that they don’t know yet - and that’s what’s adding to the confusion. So, the 7 of Cups is a call for you to not just reach for the most comforting option, and also to be wary of fantasy - you need to see things more clearly before you make a move.
The Hierophant often relates to spirituality, institutions, mentors, and unknowable forces larger than ourselves. The subtle thread that runs through all of these concepts is the word that you used in your question: faith. When we turn to institutions, mentors, or divine forces to guide, educate or comfort us, we relinquish the idea that we can control or know everything. In doing so, we place our faith in something or someone outside ourselves to aid the shaping of our hearts and minds.
So how has your heart and mind been shaped over time? What stories about lack and not-overextending-yourself have you been passed down that may no longer be serving you? That result in your people-pleasing tendencies? That stop you from not just reaching for what you really, truly want, but even believing it?
I ask about these stories in particular, because of the presence of the 4 of Cups. This fella is all about conserving, conserving, conserving, even if it means making himself small and stuck in the process. And it seems clear in your letter that your desire to conserve your options is limiting your ability to go all in on anything. So what stories about self-worth and keeping your cards close to your chest have you historically put your faith in that no longer serve you? These stories could have come from anywhere - institutions, societal scripts, family - but it's time to recognise the power they hold over you when it comes to making decisions about how to move forward in your life. And it's time to reassess how much faith (consciously, or more likely, unconsciously), you put into them.
Which brings us to... what DO you have faith in? What do you know with absolute certainty about yourself that you can rely on, to begin the process of accessing your metaphorical compass? Who DO you trust? Who will accept and see in you what you see? Who can help you clear away the fantasy mist and plant your feet more firmly in the realms of opportunity and action? How much risk is palatable for you and for how long? What exactly does fulfillment look and feel like to you? It will change on the daily, I know, but what are the things you tend to come back to time and time again that feel nourishing?
The 4 of Pentacles suggests a lot of this issue is wrapped up in a funny relationship with control and fear of vulnerability or loss or failing. So, what's the deal with you and control? Notice the way the figure in this image has his heart centre covered. Are you afraid of being vulnerable and showing true and tender aspects of yourself and it not working out or paying off? Or is it more literal: do you have a funny relationship with hoarding money? If the answer to any of these Qs is yes, ask yourself the following:
What would it take for you to be vulnerable (in any sense of the word)? Is there a way for you to take risks and still feel safe? How would you feel about enlisting the help of someone with specific experience or knowledge that you don't have and saying the words 'I'd like your help?' to them? What would it take for you to feel comfortable about budgeting for some kind of loss (be it financial, energetic or emotional), for the sake of just fucking around and finding out? One thing is for sure: so long as your primary focus when considering your options is what you could lose rather than what you might gain, you are likely to remain stuck.
I know it can be infuriating to have questions met with more questions, and your reaction upon reading this might be to hurl your phone/laptop out the window. But I often find that with the Tarot: you ask it a question, hoping for a singular, simple answer, and it hands your ass back to you in the form of a thousand questions you have to answer before you can address the one you originally asked.
So, dear Magnetic North, go explore the innards of your motivations, and your fears; go find the origin stories of your pain and your joy; go practice being vulnerable and aiming high; go get acquainted with what fills your cup without making your vision blurry. Somewhere in amongst all that, the point of your compass will engage with some large, difficult-to-put-into-words truth, and start giving you direction.
Love,
ilayda
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