Dear I...
I’ve been closed off to romance…
Dear I,
It's fairly embarrassing but I've been very closed off to romantic relationships for a while, due to a very bad past experience. I don't know whether being guarded is fine (because I am happy being single) or if I'm actually cutting off my nose to spite my face and doing more damage than just risking being hurt and putting myself back out there would do. Basically - should I just keep going how I'm going, or should I start to open up a bit more?
From,
Cautious but Curious
Dear Cautious,
You know that whether now, or a little further down the line, you must start to open up a bit more - because the heart is not meant to be an isolated thing, forever locked away behind bars.
I know you know this, because The Fool showed up, and The Fool always says... Take a fucking leap. Do the weird dance. Laugh in the face of fear. Follow the white rabbit. In the Tarot, the Fool is the animating energy that moves through all of human experience. They are willing to live and understand it all - the good and the bad - even if there is resistance (9 of Wands).
When you've been traumatised badly in love, it can be fucking scary to remove the protective coverings that surround your heart and ask people to hold it again. Your best hope is that whoever you ask will take your heart willingly, and gently hold it with joy and reverence. Sadly, there is no guarantee of this. But how long can you feel satisfied by standing guard over your heart without moving forward?
Look at the sad, exhausted dude in the 9 of Wands. The bandage around his head indicates a psychic wound. His lacklustre, agitated stance suggests he has let the wound take over his spirit, bleeding him dry of hope and energy. You know that you must start to open up a bit more, because you have realised that the cost of being guarded might be greater than the cost of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Why else would you be asking this question of the cards, of the universe, of yourself?
Why else would the 3 of Cups turn up as part of the response? Probably to tell us that while you lived your best single life with your pals, you not only grew stronger but also experienced the best things about opening your heart up to others: connection and joy; community and passion. It is not embarrassing, sad or shameful to want these things in a romantic context. It is utterly, perfectly, unyieldingly human. And you know, or perhaps suspect, that you shouldn't let some asshole(s) from the past steal away the infinite romantic potential open to you in the future.
So, are you ready to take a leap? The cards seem to think so, but if you don't feel ready, that's okay too. Maybe you still need more time before beginning to remove the protective coverings around your heart. Whenever you do, know these 3 things:
You have built up incredible personal strength (9 of Wands) to cope with assholes; you have an incredible support system (3 of Cups) around you; and you are absolutely deserving of romance and adventure (The Fool). You just have to be willing to seek it.
Love,
i
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